1 month follow up

It has been a whole month since my surgery, and the recovery is in full swing.  I returned to see my surgeon for a follow up visit yesterday, and I am happy to report that my retinas are both still attached.  While I am not "out of the woods," as he put it, until the gas bubble completely dissolves, it is a very good sign that no scar tissue has formed "yet" (again, his word) and that my retinas seem to be holding in place.  This is excellent news!

Of course, these days, good news always seems to be dampened a bit by reality, and yesterday was no exception.  While my retinas are holding on, my doctor confirmed that a cataract is already forming on my surgery eye.  Cataracts can be removed surgically, so I know there is at least one more eye surgery in my fate, though I don't know when it will be.  First, we have to wait for the gas bubble to go away and make sure the retinas are still attached.  Then, I can see a cornea specialist to talk about how and when to deal with the cataract.

Yesterday, I was an emotional mess about it, but today I am feeling a lot more calm.  Worrying about things, especially those that are out of my control, certainly does not help me, so I am trying to just take things as they come.  We will figure out what to do about the cataract when it is time.  Meanwhile, I am going to try not to stress myself out.  (This is easier said than done for someone like me who wants to plan every detail, but I really am trying.)

Besides, cataract surgery is fairly routine, and the outcomes are usually very good.  In fact, when they remove a cataract, they remove the entire lens and replace it with a new one.  The new one usually has a prescription that actually improves your vision to better than it was before the cataract formed.  In the long run, I am hopeful this will be a very positive outcome.

The hardest part, besides the poor vision, is the uncertainty, but this is my reality now.  Without even realizing it until today, I am somewhere in the middling of grieving the end, or at least the extended suspension, of my normal, pre-surgery life.  I have a new normal now, and it includes doctors and surgeons and lots of eye drops.  It takes me twice as long to do simple things, like writing a check or threading a needle or trimming my own fingernails.  I was really angry about this for a while, but I am starting to realize that the anger is really wasted energy.  It is much better for me to focus on adapting and learning how to do the things I used to do in new ways.  I feel like I have lost the last month of my life, waiting to be normal again, but it is time to start living again.  I am sure this is not the real end of my anger or frustration, but I hope I am turning a corner.  I am alive, and the best way to live is happily and hopefully.