The will to be "normal"

It has taken me a while to realize that feeling "normal" after a retina detachment requires adjusting my own expectations of what "normal" is.  Sure, some things are harder to do now, but a lot of things are still manageable.  Sure, it can be scary at times, but it is better to be hopeful.  That is not to say that one should stifle one's fears, but one should not wallow in them, at least not for long.  Being alive is something for which to be grateful, and we should endeavor to life joyfully as much as possible.

This past weekend was my best weekend since my surgery.  This makes sense, of course, because it takes time to heal.  Still, I was able to do some "normal" things that made me feel like life is not closed to me.  My fiancé and I went to the movies on Friday night.  I wore my glasses, as I can see a bit over the shrinking gas bubble now.  The vision in my surgery eye is by no means sharp, but I can see shapes and faces on the giant movie screen.  I would struggle to keep up with a subtitled film, but thankfully, Hollywood blockbusters rarely ask for its audiences to read.  While I am a drama/chick flick kind of gal, I was surprised to enjoy The Fighter.  It was tricky to negotiate the theater stairs in low light, but that's what handrails are for.  In all, it was a good experience for me to be in public, enjoying a normal activity, and not feeling entirely impaired.  Would it have been better if I had crisp vision out of  both eyes?  Of course, but that isn't my normal.  My normal is going out into the world, having dinner at a restaurant, and enjoying a movie with fiancé.  I am lucky to be able to enjoy a little "date night" with the man I adore.

We finished our Christmas shopping over the weekend, too.  We split up for a few minutes in the store, and while I had some anxiety to shop alone, I felt my confidence rise a bit.  I feel vulnerable on my left side still, but I know to be careful when I turn around.  I didn't knock anything over.  I didn't run into anyone.  It is harder to read labels now, and I have trouble seeing the department signs over the aisles.  Those challenges did not keep me from getting my shopping done.  Would it have been easier if I had better vision?  Of course, but my normal includes asking for help.  It really isn't so hard to ask, "Where is your housewares department?"  I can still walk, "straight down this aisle and to the left."

I even worked on a sewing project this weekend.  I admit this was the most challenging endeavor I took on, and my impaired vision really did make things more difficult.  I stuck myself with the pins enough to bleed on quite a few occasions, but I got it done.  Threading the needle was hard, but I took my time.  My sewing machine was skipping stitches, but that no fault of my eyes.  I may not be able to complete a very intricate sewing project, but I can make progress on simple ones.  (I would tell you what my project it, but it is a Christmas present and still a surprise.)

In general, I had a very good weekend.  I napped a lot and rested my eyes when I needed to, but I got a lot of things done.  It was the first weekend I have had in a month where I felt capable.  This is an empowering feeling and one on which I hope to build as I recover.  Many people have assured me that things will get better, and indeed, they are improving.  I am so very thankful and encouraged.