In my late teens, I think, I took a women's self defense class with my mom and older sister. The number one thing I learned in that class was: always be aware of your surroundings. That means: look around, search shadows, look over your shoulder if you hear a noise, etc. This has become second nature to me. Generally, I have been a pretty independent woman. Though I do not anymore, I have lived alone for many years. I have taken care of a lot of business under the cover of darkness, and while I have probably been more fearless in some circumstances than I should have, I have prided myself on my ability to take care of myself without much help.
These days, post surgery, I am afraid to take the trash out by myself - even in broad daylight, but especially after dark. It's not terribly rational because I live in a house in a relatively safe suburban neighborhood. My trash cans are behind a fence, and the likelihood of a stranger being in my side yard is extremely low. Still, I can literally feel my pulse race when I go outside by myself. My lack of peripheral vision has crippled my sense of independence, which is so much worse than the simple loss of vision itself, especially to a person who has worked so hard to become so independent.
It is amazing how fear inhibits us. Whether the fear is rational or not, the grips of fear can be very limiting. I am blessed to still have good vision with one eye, and I do have hope that my left eye will heal to give me some kind of competent vision, even if it is never as good as it once was. As I remind myself of these blessings, I imagine what it must be like for someone to lose vision in both eyes, and I just cannot fathom it. I pray I never find myself in such in a circumstance.
Recently, the news ran a story about a blind man who is completely independent, with the help of his guide dog, and he travels the world for work. Can you imagine? I am scared to take my trash out, behind a fence, with one good eye, but this blind man navigates airports and new cities, seemingly without fear. I like to reflect on this to give myself perspective on the challenges I am facing. Certainly, I am limited by my condition, but there are many people who do more with less than I have. I think this is a lesson anyone can appreciate. Perspective matters so much!
Just wanted to comment on your blog. I had vitrectomy surgery on Nov 14 (but no buckle, thank god) and the gas bubble only lasted 10 days. My tear was also on the periphery, but on the outside part.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, just letting you know that it does get better.. I still have 20/20 in my eye, although it will take months before I know how much of my peripheral vision I will regain.
Now that I'm 4 weeks post-op, my eye is almost 100% normal looking, with just some slight swelling on the eyelid and some redness still.
Good luck!
Eddie - Thanks for sharing your experience. It sounds like you are doing quite well in your recovery, which inspires a lot of hope! I hope I also get back to 20/20 eventually. My gas bubble is still obscuring about half my field of vision, so it is too soon to get a long term prognosis for myself. I am patiently (well, I'm *trying* to be patient) waiting to find out.
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